I
think it is sad when I meet people who allude to doing something
religious based, and then quickly say, "oh! I am not religious", like it
is embarrassing to believe in God. So, I am just going to put this out
there. I believe in God, and I believe in the Bible. No, I don't hate
anyone. I have friends whom I love dearly that: drink, have tattoos,
have had abortions, are gay, are legalistic, are agnostic,
are atheists, some smoke marijuana on occasion, I have friends who used
to be strippers, some of them lie on occasion, I have friends who are
health nuts, who are working moms, who are stay at home moms, some of
them home-school, some of them send their kids to public school, some
nursed, some bottle fed, some voted for McCain, others voted for Obama,
some are from the South, some are from other countries, some are Muslim,
some are divorced, some are racist, some are bleeding hearts, some have
criminal pasts, some are liberal, others are conservative...need I go
on? I am not embarrassed to be a Christian, and to believe in a loving
God. I am thankful to Him because He loved me where I was at and I where
I AM at. I never had to get to a certain point of "goodness" in order
for Him to die for me. He did that almost 2000 years before I was born,
all because He wanted to be able to have a relationship with a fallen
sinner like me. Because of His love, I am able to love others who may
not believe the way I do without judgment or expectation.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Treading Water....Barely
We have all been there. We give and we give. We do our best. We try and try to be everything and do everything we need to do to ensure everyone is happy...and we fail.
Repeatedly.
And we are left feeling worthless.
Valueless.
Stripped bare.
At a point so low, we did not know it existed...well, it feels that way anyway. Though I know it could get worse.
But in that moment, that was how I felt.
I was utterly spent.
I think that we often get so busy with "life" that we forget the giver of Life.
Once again, I found myself on my knee's over a pile of clean laundry, crying out to Papa. Begging Him to do something, because I was done.
I had nothing left to give.
Oddly, I have been praying that He would draw me closer. I long to draw ever closer to Him.
I need Him.
Maybe it is not so odd, because this is what it took for me to get off my lazy butt and turn to Him.
Obviously, I needed to be at this point to stop thinking, and start DOING.
When we start doing things in our own strength, we burn out quickly.
We blame others for the things going wrong and begin to ask God to change THEM.
The Marriage page on facebook posted a status the other day that says:
In marriage, it's not your job to fix each other or to change each other; just love each other. Love is what changes us.
I remembered that these past few days. Our first instinct is to say, "God, they are so wrong, please change them."
But, that is wrong. I began to examen how I reacted to things. I began to look at myself, and see where I could become a better person. What God was maybe dealing with ME about.
Too often in marriage we see each other's faults, without examining ourselves. We do this in life more often than not as well.
I digress as this post is about being stripped and humbled. We cannot...I cannot do anything in my own strength. I am a busy stay at home mom, going to graduate school, and trying to run a house efficiently. I love my husband, I want to be a blessing to him.
BUT once again, I am doing these things out of my own strength. Rather than turning to Papa for strength, guidance, and patience in the every day things; I am allowing frustration and anger to take root.
In Him we have joy and peace...
I need Him.
Repeatedly.
And we are left feeling worthless.
Valueless.
Stripped bare.
At a point so low, we did not know it existed...well, it feels that way anyway. Though I know it could get worse.
But in that moment, that was how I felt.
I was utterly spent.
I think that we often get so busy with "life" that we forget the giver of Life.
Once again, I found myself on my knee's over a pile of clean laundry, crying out to Papa. Begging Him to do something, because I was done.
I had nothing left to give.
Oddly, I have been praying that He would draw me closer. I long to draw ever closer to Him.
I need Him.
Maybe it is not so odd, because this is what it took for me to get off my lazy butt and turn to Him.
Obviously, I needed to be at this point to stop thinking, and start DOING.
When we start doing things in our own strength, we burn out quickly.
We blame others for the things going wrong and begin to ask God to change THEM.
The Marriage page on facebook posted a status the other day that says:
In marriage, it's not your job to fix each other or to change each other; just love each other. Love is what changes us.
I remembered that these past few days. Our first instinct is to say, "God, they are so wrong, please change them."
But, that is wrong. I began to examen how I reacted to things. I began to look at myself, and see where I could become a better person. What God was maybe dealing with ME about.
Too often in marriage we see each other's faults, without examining ourselves. We do this in life more often than not as well.
I digress as this post is about being stripped and humbled. We cannot...I cannot do anything in my own strength. I am a busy stay at home mom, going to graduate school, and trying to run a house efficiently. I love my husband, I want to be a blessing to him.
BUT once again, I am doing these things out of my own strength. Rather than turning to Papa for strength, guidance, and patience in the every day things; I am allowing frustration and anger to take root.
In Him we have joy and peace...
I need Him.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Bossy? Or the Beginnings of Good Leadership?
I was in a conversation with my neighbor the other day. She has two great, but very different little girls. One is the typical older child, she listens and obeys. She is girly, and responsible. The younger one is the typical second/younger child. They call her their "wild child". She is a tomboy, she plays hard, and loves hard (for a 7 year old), and she also has a stubborn streak that might stump even the strongest disciplinarian. She has a comeback for everything. They are both "bossy".
When I think of women that I have worked with, not all of them, but the adjectives that stick out the most are:
mean, manipulative, selfish, gossips. Not positive, huh? Sadly, I have found myself repeating this to impressionable young girls, and I am pretty disappointed in myself over that.
This got me to thinking about the labels we often use for girls: Bossy, stuck up, snobby, nagging, stubborn. The list goes on. I am trying to think of some nice labels for girls...Sweet? Eager to please...that's it. I cannot think of another positive way girls are described in general. Wow..so, the world says our daughters are good when they are mild mannered and eager to please. However, it is negative to be assertive and confident? Even in the Bible, the first thing I think of when it comes to women is where Solomon says in Proverbs 27:15 that a nagging wife is like a leaky roof. I don't think of all the stories of women who were mightily used by God.
Don't get me wrong, there are positives and negatives to both sides. As I am raising my daughter, I hope to instill a sense of balance in her. I want her to be assertive. I want her to be confident in what she does. I also want her to be obedient, and compassionate. I want her to love fiercely, to be a champion to the underdog, to see the potential in those around her. I want to help her hone those skills into strong leadership skills.
Our jobs as parents is to train our children to be adults, to be productive members of society.
I pray continually that I will not break my daughter's spirit, and I think that one way those things happen is by trying to tamp down those traits that will be useful later in life.
You have a daughter (or even a son) that tells stories all the time? By all means, teach them that lying is a wrong, but do not stifle their imaginations!
Discipline is vital to training up our children, but in that discipline are we stifling natural talents? I believe there is a way to encourage those things, and train our children how to use those talents in positive ways, without stifling or breaking their spirits.
Meanwhile, I am going to remind you of what a little girl's nanny in "The Help" told her every time her mother or father belittled her and broke her a little more: "You is kind. You is smart. You is important".
It is vital to the well-being of our children (and our marriages) that we uplift and encourage them, even in training and discipline.
When I think of women that I have worked with, not all of them, but the adjectives that stick out the most are:
mean, manipulative, selfish, gossips. Not positive, huh? Sadly, I have found myself repeating this to impressionable young girls, and I am pretty disappointed in myself over that.
This got me to thinking about the labels we often use for girls: Bossy, stuck up, snobby, nagging, stubborn. The list goes on. I am trying to think of some nice labels for girls...Sweet? Eager to please...that's it. I cannot think of another positive way girls are described in general. Wow..so, the world says our daughters are good when they are mild mannered and eager to please. However, it is negative to be assertive and confident? Even in the Bible, the first thing I think of when it comes to women is where Solomon says in Proverbs 27:15 that a nagging wife is like a leaky roof. I don't think of all the stories of women who were mightily used by God.
Don't get me wrong, there are positives and negatives to both sides. As I am raising my daughter, I hope to instill a sense of balance in her. I want her to be assertive. I want her to be confident in what she does. I also want her to be obedient, and compassionate. I want her to love fiercely, to be a champion to the underdog, to see the potential in those around her. I want to help her hone those skills into strong leadership skills.
Our jobs as parents is to train our children to be adults, to be productive members of society.
I pray continually that I will not break my daughter's spirit, and I think that one way those things happen is by trying to tamp down those traits that will be useful later in life.
You have a daughter (or even a son) that tells stories all the time? By all means, teach them that lying is a wrong, but do not stifle their imaginations!
Discipline is vital to training up our children, but in that discipline are we stifling natural talents? I believe there is a way to encourage those things, and train our children how to use those talents in positive ways, without stifling or breaking their spirits.
Meanwhile, I am going to remind you of what a little girl's nanny in "The Help" told her every time her mother or father belittled her and broke her a little more: "You is kind. You is smart. You is important".
It is vital to the well-being of our children (and our marriages) that we uplift and encourage them, even in training and discipline.
Monday, March 25, 2013
No Room for Selfishness in Marriage
This seems to be a re-occurring theme lately. I find myself thinking about it, and in conversation about it. I even saw a post regarding it on Facebook the other day. It all started with a conversation I was having with a friend, and I thought to myself, "Wow, you (my friend) are really selfish". I did not say it, but I definitely thought it. Then I began thinking about myself, and ways in which I display selfishness, and about the damage selfishness can cause. Specifically in a marriage and as parents.
Selfishness...that ugly thing that sneaks up and causes more problems that you thought it would. The Merriam Webster defines it:
act> Selfishness...that ugly thing that sneaks up and causes more problems that you thought it would. The Merriam Webster defines it:
1: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
2: arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others selfish
3: being an actively replicating repetitive sequence of nucleic acid that serves no known function <selfish DNA>; also : being genetic material solely concerned with its own replication <selfish genes>
In any problem that comes up in parenthood or marriage, selfishness is most likely the culprit. Selfishness of your spouse, yourself, your child, etc.
I was painting a room the other day and began to think about marriage. See, I am in my graduate program for mental health counseling, but I plan on focusing on marriages and family counseling. I was contemplating the idea of premarital counseling. My husband and I did not attend premarital counseling, not that we had time anyway. However, I acknowledge that I am likely going to be put in a place where I will need to do this type of counseling. My question to myself is, "What is the single most important thing to tell a couple getting ready to be married, or already married but are having problems?"
Here is the thing:
When you become married (or become a parent) there is no room for "I" anymore.
Do NOT misunderstand me. I definitely believe in having "mommy time", and making time for ourselves. I would go insane if my husband did not make sure that I had some "me" time, and I try to encourage him to have time to himself as well.
When you become married you are no longer solely responsible to yourself. Your actions no longer primarily JUST affect you.
You are responsible for and to your spouse.
Every decision you make, right down to choosing (yes, CHOOSING) to be offended by something said or done, effects the well being of your family and relationships.
I rest in knowing that my husband acts with the welfare of myself and our daughter in mind. I know that no matter what happens, I can trust him to act in the best interest of our whole family, not just himself.
Yes. We have selfish moments. We are human.
However, in order to be able to work things out, to keep our relationships strong, we have to be able to put down our pride (die to ourselves), admit our failures and be willing to work through the hurt, and frustrations.
It is okay to be hurt. What is NOT okay is to let that hurt fester, or stand in the way of reconciliation with your spouse.
Choosing NOT do to something for your spouse because you don't get anything out of it is wrong.
Choosing NOT to forgive because you are still hurt is wrong.
Forgiveness, like love, is a CHOICE and NOT a feeling.
I can be hurt, but still choose to forgive. This happened the other day. My husband apologized for something, but I was still fuming about it. I forgave him, but asked him to give me a little space to work through the emotions. I CHOSE to forgive, but I still had to work through the emotions. It is much easier to do so when you know the end result is forgiveness. Fuming and seething about something ends much quicker, and does not fester in your mind and heart.
I am not perfect, nor is my family. We are naturally selfish, and it happens on a normal basis. Even if it takes a few hours, I still have to choose to forgive. Choose to love. Because that is VITAL to keeping my marriage strong.
Our ultimate example, is of course, Jesus Christ. He was spit on, beaten, bruised. His closest friends rejected Him in His darkest hour. In the Garden of Gethsemane He prayed : “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Luke 22:39-46)
He CHOSE to continue on this path, KNOWING what would happen, because He LOVES us.
Ephesians 5 speaks of this:
Ephesians 5
New International Version (NIV)
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
I think this is self-explanatory in light of this post.
When you CHOOSE to LOVE and FORGIVE, you choose LIFE for your marriage.
Husbands and wives, love each other...love in the "agape" sense of the word. Love selflessly. CHOOSE to love.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Running to Papa
Oh how glad I am to have January and February behind us!
I know, I know! It's the middle of March, but it has taken me this long to recover, and reflect.
Recover? From What? Oh, well probably THE single most HUMBLING season of my life. That is what being a parent does:
It humbles us.
January and February were some of the hardest months I have had in awhile. They were full of sickness, I swear Emma had a new something or other every week. We also decided to poke a hole in her pacifier to wean her off it. So those two months were marked by very little sleep.
I learned something new about myself, or maybe I re-learned it. I am a terrible person with little sleep. I have very little patience, and very little gets done. Anyone with a toddler knows that patience is key to a happy home.
OH! Emma also decided to start throwing tantrums every time I told her "no", took something away from her, or made her leave a place she was having fun.
I thought we had taken care of this problem months ago...I was wrong.
Okay, Okay! I know, she will continuously test boundaries and rules, that is the nature of a child. I'd say it is the nature of all humans.
Anyway, the worst of me came out those two months. Things I never knew could exist in my brain and life came to the surface in terrifying ways. Well, terrifying to me anyway, any parent I am sure can relate.
Many days I wanted to scream and lock Emma in her room ( I didn't). Many of those I wanted to drink my frustration away ( again, I did not). Many of those days I felt I was barely treading water. . My patience wore thin, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
Why am I sharing this? Because everyone, every parent goes through these times. What did I learn? That in those times I must run to Papa. In those moments, those very difficult and hard times, I saw beauty emerge in a way it never would have without coming to a very low point in my life.
In those moments of frustration and anger, I learned to rely on Papa. I learned to go to Him. I learned how to practically teach my daughter to do the same.
Every time my frustration grew, every time my anger rose to the surface, I picked up Emma, placed her on my lap, and we ran to Papa. Any time her frustration at not being understood, or not being able to do the things she wanted to, we ran to Papa.
Emma needs to see that I am not perfect, that I need God. She needs to see me go to Him when I am in need, because that is where she will learn to go to Him herself.
Don't misunderstand, that is not the only time we run to Papa. I thank Him, in front of her, every day for His mercy, grace, the blessings He has given us. We pray together every day.
I go to Him in the happy, easy times too.
For now, this season is over. Emma is my happy, sweet, obedient little girl again. I am under no illusion that this is the end of it. She is full of curiosity, and is exploring her world. She will again test boundaries, and try to get her own way. I will not say I am ready, but knowing it is going to happen is half the battle, yes?
However, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that no matter what happens I can run to Papa.
And I can teach my daughter to do the same.
I know, I know! It's the middle of March, but it has taken me this long to recover, and reflect.
Recover? From What? Oh, well probably THE single most HUMBLING season of my life. That is what being a parent does:
It humbles us.
January and February were some of the hardest months I have had in awhile. They were full of sickness, I swear Emma had a new something or other every week. We also decided to poke a hole in her pacifier to wean her off it. So those two months were marked by very little sleep.
I learned something new about myself, or maybe I re-learned it. I am a terrible person with little sleep. I have very little patience, and very little gets done. Anyone with a toddler knows that patience is key to a happy home.
OH! Emma also decided to start throwing tantrums every time I told her "no", took something away from her, or made her leave a place she was having fun.
I thought we had taken care of this problem months ago...I was wrong.
Okay, Okay! I know, she will continuously test boundaries and rules, that is the nature of a child. I'd say it is the nature of all humans.
Anyway, the worst of me came out those two months. Things I never knew could exist in my brain and life came to the surface in terrifying ways. Well, terrifying to me anyway, any parent I am sure can relate.
Many days I wanted to scream and lock Emma in her room ( I didn't). Many of those I wanted to drink my frustration away ( again, I did not). Many of those days I felt I was barely treading water. . My patience wore thin, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
Why am I sharing this? Because everyone, every parent goes through these times. What did I learn? That in those times I must run to Papa. In those moments, those very difficult and hard times, I saw beauty emerge in a way it never would have without coming to a very low point in my life.
In those moments of frustration and anger, I learned to rely on Papa. I learned to go to Him. I learned how to practically teach my daughter to do the same.
Every time my frustration grew, every time my anger rose to the surface, I picked up Emma, placed her on my lap, and we ran to Papa. Any time her frustration at not being understood, or not being able to do the things she wanted to, we ran to Papa.
Emma needs to see that I am not perfect, that I need God. She needs to see me go to Him when I am in need, because that is where she will learn to go to Him herself.
Don't misunderstand, that is not the only time we run to Papa. I thank Him, in front of her, every day for His mercy, grace, the blessings He has given us. We pray together every day.
I go to Him in the happy, easy times too.
For now, this season is over. Emma is my happy, sweet, obedient little girl again. I am under no illusion that this is the end of it. She is full of curiosity, and is exploring her world. She will again test boundaries, and try to get her own way. I will not say I am ready, but knowing it is going to happen is half the battle, yes?
However, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that no matter what happens I can run to Papa.
And I can teach my daughter to do the same.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
I Call it, "Girl Porn"
I LOVE to read. You can ask my parents. I love to read so much that I was grounded from books. Not television or the phone.
Books.
In fact, I would rather read a book than watch television.
In class I used to put a book on top of my textbook while the teacher was lecturing and read it, but it looked like I was following along in the book.
Most of the time (though I am MUCH better about it now), I get so into books that I literally hear nothing going on around me. Obviously, I had to untrain myself to block out the noise around me when I had a kid, but that is easier said than done.
Much to my delight, my husband bought me a Kindle a few years ago. Did you know there are a TON of free books on Amazon.com and other sites for Kindle users?
JACKPOT!
I could easily go through about a hundred books a month. In fact, this last week alone I have read about 2 books or so a day.
They are my junk food, my television, and I would even go so far as to call it my vice.
The books I read are purely entertainment, and have no value.
Really.
I call them popcorn books: they are yummy, but they have no real substance or nutritional value.
When I first got my Kindle, coming across erotica was not very common. Usually, I could download all the free books I wanted without too much concern for what kind of content was inside them.
Typically, I could tell by the cover of the book I was downloading if it was questionable anyway.
Yes! I DO judge a book by its cover!
Well...I did.
Until recently.
The book that changed it all is that 50 Shades of Grey book. I have not read it, nor do I want to. I despise that kind of book just as much as I despise porn. It is degrading and disgusting, not to mention incredibly damaging.
Ever since this book came out, it seems that graphic sex scenes have become not only accepted, but the norm in books. Generally, I can tell within the first few pages of the book if it is going to have these scenes, and I can delete it. However, sometimes it takes me by surprise. The cover no longer implies that there are graphic sex scenes, and neither does a majority of the descriptions. I have even come across YA books that have inappropriate scenes in them.
I think books need to have a rating system.
I have resigned myself to the fact that I will read every book Emma wants to read before she is allowed to read it. Okay, maybe resigned is the wrong word, because I would probably do it anyway. My husband said to me, "At least you read fast, so she won't have to wait too long to read them!"
So, this girl porn. That's what I call these books. They suck you in before you know it. To be honest, I know this from experience, and I believe that they are just as damaging as visual porn.
Sex is a beautiful gift God has created for the purpose of married couples. Not only is it a gift, it acts as a way of strengthening the bond between a man and wife. Porn, girl porn or otherwise, brings other "people" or things into that intimate relationship whether you realize it or not. Sex should be between a man, a woman, and God. Nothing and no one should ever be included in that experience.
These books have a way of getting into our minds, and giving expectations of the way life "should" be. The way sex "should" be. Just like romance books give us unrealistic expectations of what a man should be (again, whether we realize it or not, this happens!). Books are fiction. They create ideals and fantasy worlds, and in no way reflect the real world.
In this world where porn in any form is becoming more and more accepted, we need to become more and more protective of our marriages. We need to guard each other, and our hearts against satan's attack on marriage.
This mindset that if this marriage doesn't work out, I'll just get a divorce and try again has pervaded our lives through the media and books. The thought that it is okay to just look (or read) and even fantasize, as long as I am not really doing it has got to stop.
Matthew 5:28 says that lusting after someone in your heart is the same thing as committing the act.
Reading girl porn, I believe, is no different than committing adultery. It engages your mind and your body the same way visual porn does for men.
Books.
In fact, I would rather read a book than watch television.
In class I used to put a book on top of my textbook while the teacher was lecturing and read it, but it looked like I was following along in the book.
Most of the time (though I am MUCH better about it now), I get so into books that I literally hear nothing going on around me. Obviously, I had to untrain myself to block out the noise around me when I had a kid, but that is easier said than done.
Much to my delight, my husband bought me a Kindle a few years ago. Did you know there are a TON of free books on Amazon.com and other sites for Kindle users?
JACKPOT!
I could easily go through about a hundred books a month. In fact, this last week alone I have read about 2 books or so a day.
They are my junk food, my television, and I would even go so far as to call it my vice.
The books I read are purely entertainment, and have no value.
Really.
I call them popcorn books: they are yummy, but they have no real substance or nutritional value.
When I first got my Kindle, coming across erotica was not very common. Usually, I could download all the free books I wanted without too much concern for what kind of content was inside them.
Typically, I could tell by the cover of the book I was downloading if it was questionable anyway.
Yes! I DO judge a book by its cover!
Well...I did.
Until recently.
The book that changed it all is that 50 Shades of Grey book. I have not read it, nor do I want to. I despise that kind of book just as much as I despise porn. It is degrading and disgusting, not to mention incredibly damaging.
Ever since this book came out, it seems that graphic sex scenes have become not only accepted, but the norm in books. Generally, I can tell within the first few pages of the book if it is going to have these scenes, and I can delete it. However, sometimes it takes me by surprise. The cover no longer implies that there are graphic sex scenes, and neither does a majority of the descriptions. I have even come across YA books that have inappropriate scenes in them.
I think books need to have a rating system.
I have resigned myself to the fact that I will read every book Emma wants to read before she is allowed to read it. Okay, maybe resigned is the wrong word, because I would probably do it anyway. My husband said to me, "At least you read fast, so she won't have to wait too long to read them!"
So, this girl porn. That's what I call these books. They suck you in before you know it. To be honest, I know this from experience, and I believe that they are just as damaging as visual porn.
Sex is a beautiful gift God has created for the purpose of married couples. Not only is it a gift, it acts as a way of strengthening the bond between a man and wife. Porn, girl porn or otherwise, brings other "people" or things into that intimate relationship whether you realize it or not. Sex should be between a man, a woman, and God. Nothing and no one should ever be included in that experience.
These books have a way of getting into our minds, and giving expectations of the way life "should" be. The way sex "should" be. Just like romance books give us unrealistic expectations of what a man should be (again, whether we realize it or not, this happens!). Books are fiction. They create ideals and fantasy worlds, and in no way reflect the real world.
In this world where porn in any form is becoming more and more accepted, we need to become more and more protective of our marriages. We need to guard each other, and our hearts against satan's attack on marriage.
This mindset that if this marriage doesn't work out, I'll just get a divorce and try again has pervaded our lives through the media and books. The thought that it is okay to just look (or read) and even fantasize, as long as I am not really doing it has got to stop.
Matthew 5:28 says that lusting after someone in your heart is the same thing as committing the act.
Reading girl porn, I believe, is no different than committing adultery. It engages your mind and your body the same way visual porn does for men.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
The Road to Worry
Lately anxiety has stalked me and has threatened to overwhelm my sense of peace about life and that God is in control.
I honestly feel on the verge of panic attacks at least once a day.
It all started during a basketball game during Jimmy V week. The announcer, I think, said something like 1 out of 2 people get Cancer.
WHAT A STATISTIC!
SCARY!
Then my thoughts travel down that dark scary path:
What if Jake or I die of cancer? Or Both? Emma may not have both her parents growing up!
What if SHE gets cancer and I lose my baby girl?
My heart begins to race.
My lungs get tight, and I start to have a little trouble breathing.
I start to tremble.
To be honest, I try not to let myself go down this road, because it quickly leads to fear and anxiety.
Worry.
And ultimately not trusting in God.
When we love we become vulnerable, because those we love will get hurt. Emma will have hurtful experiences in school. She may be bullied. Someone will say something mean.
Hurt is inevitable in life.
Bad things happen, they do.
How we handle the bad things is what makes the difference. When I begin walking down that scary road, God gently reminds me of my most favorite phrase in the Bible: I AM.
He is. He is in control. Few things are in my control, one of those being my reaction to my fears and worries.
I stop myself. Take a deep breath, and turn to God.
He is my Rock, He is my salvation. He is my deliverer, my comforter...I could go on.
BUT
He is not just that for ME.
He is Emma's Rock, Emma's comforter, and Emma's ...
He is Jake's ...
He loves us, He wants the best for us. The level of love I feel for my husband and daughter, and the rest of the people I love so much is just a small fraction of the amount of love that He has for us.
So, as you begin to walk down that road, and let worry overtake you. Remember that He is "I AM", everything you need.
Remember Matthew 6:25-34 where Jesus exhorts us not to worry, because He is in control, and He will take care of us. It may not look like we think it should or want it to.
But He will.
I honestly feel on the verge of panic attacks at least once a day.
It all started during a basketball game during Jimmy V week. The announcer, I think, said something like 1 out of 2 people get Cancer.
WHAT A STATISTIC!
SCARY!
Then my thoughts travel down that dark scary path:
What if Jake or I die of cancer? Or Both? Emma may not have both her parents growing up!
What if SHE gets cancer and I lose my baby girl?
My heart begins to race.
My lungs get tight, and I start to have a little trouble breathing.
I start to tremble.
To be honest, I try not to let myself go down this road, because it quickly leads to fear and anxiety.
Worry.
And ultimately not trusting in God.
When we love we become vulnerable, because those we love will get hurt. Emma will have hurtful experiences in school. She may be bullied. Someone will say something mean.
Hurt is inevitable in life.
Bad things happen, they do.
How we handle the bad things is what makes the difference. When I begin walking down that scary road, God gently reminds me of my most favorite phrase in the Bible: I AM.
He is. He is in control. Few things are in my control, one of those being my reaction to my fears and worries.
I stop myself. Take a deep breath, and turn to God.
He is my Rock, He is my salvation. He is my deliverer, my comforter...I could go on.
BUT
He is not just that for ME.
He is Emma's Rock, Emma's comforter, and Emma's ...
He is Jake's ...
He loves us, He wants the best for us. The level of love I feel for my husband and daughter, and the rest of the people I love so much is just a small fraction of the amount of love that He has for us.
So, as you begin to walk down that road, and let worry overtake you. Remember that He is "I AM", everything you need.
Remember Matthew 6:25-34 where Jesus exhorts us not to worry, because He is in control, and He will take care of us. It may not look like we think it should or want it to.
But He will.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
When Your Kids Are Sick...And It's Time To Rejoice
I'm about to write something that few people know about: When I was pregnant and had my 26(ish) week ultrasound to find out if Emma was a boy or girl, they found that her kidneys had cysts on them.
Imagine the heartbreak, fear, disillusionment, fear
....did I mention fear?
Because that was what it was. Outright fear for this little baby who I did not know...yet I did.
OH! And anger...oh the anger.
There have been very few times where I have felt that I was truly going to battle for something, and this was one of those times.
Momma (prayer) warrior.
Standing on God's word and His promises.
Jehova Rophi (The God Who Heals).
SIDE NOTE: When something is physically wrong DO NOT TURN TO GOOGLE FOR ANSWERS! I was convinced that Emma was going to die within days of her being born.
We had to go to prenatal specialists in Ft. Collins. I think we went to three different ones all together. They were stumped. The last one said, "Well, we see that it looks like a cyst, but we can't find anything wrong. She looks fine...honestly we are stumped!"
Oh my Jesus, how good He is!
They sent us home, and told the doctor to run labs on Emma when she was born to make sure her kidney were working, and also do an ultrasound.
At 34 weeks or so I began having trouble with my amniotic fluid. It would get dangerously low, so I ended up having to take 2 hour baths to get it back up (don't ask me how it worked, it just did). At 37 weeks I still could not keep the fluid up, so my doctor gave me the choice: induce or wait.
I asked the doctor what the risk would be in each scenario:
We wait and she could be stillborn (!?!?!)
We induce and she could be in the NICU on a ventilator (!?!?!)
Yep...fear and anger strike again! I used to work for some lung doctor's in the area and immediately called them. They could advise me on this. They assured me that the NICU here was amazing, and that there was no reason she would be on a ventilator.
So, I told the doctor we'd like to induce on Wednesday. That gave me time to get her a carseat, and get the house clean (I KNOW, I know LOL) Before we had to go to the hospital. We went in Tuesday morning! GAHH!
Fast forward to two nights after she was born, I woke up at around 3AM, and Emma hadn't been in to nurse yet. The nurse came in right at that time to let me know that Emma was in the NICU.
Yep...you guessed it: Fear and Anger....seriously...I'm exhausted just thinking about it LOL
Her bilirubin was high, and so she got to camp out under a blue light. The girl looked like she was on a beach somewhere. All she was missing was a beach umbrella.
The thing that these incidences have in common is the fear and anger I felt. However, the brightest thing these have in common is that after the initial fear and anger is that I trusted in God.
None of these things took Him by surprise. God is the great I Am, my Provider, my Comforter, My Healer...My EVERYTHING. By now, stepping back and trusting Him has become routine, and comfortable...
After the initial freak out.
So today, we started Emma on asthma medicine to see if that is what is causing her coughing so much she is throwing up. Since we started it she has been back to her sweet little self. Not whiney, mopey, or lethargic. All things I attributed to her teething.
She is happy, energetic...she is her normal self.
This means she may have asthma.
Where is the anger? The fear?
None for me. God is my Rock.
My Great I AM.
My trust is in Him. Emma is in His hands, and my rest and trust is in Him.
This is something I rejoice in.
HE is WHO I rejoice in...because He is in control. He loves Emma more than I do (which is crazy, but true). Who better to trust in than He who does?
My God is Great. My God is good, My God is Always there for me!
Imagine the heartbreak, fear, disillusionment, fear
....did I mention fear?
Because that was what it was. Outright fear for this little baby who I did not know...yet I did.
OH! And anger...oh the anger.
There have been very few times where I have felt that I was truly going to battle for something, and this was one of those times.
Momma (prayer) warrior.
Standing on God's word and His promises.
Jehova Rophi (The God Who Heals).
SIDE NOTE: When something is physically wrong DO NOT TURN TO GOOGLE FOR ANSWERS! I was convinced that Emma was going to die within days of her being born.
We had to go to prenatal specialists in Ft. Collins. I think we went to three different ones all together. They were stumped. The last one said, "Well, we see that it looks like a cyst, but we can't find anything wrong. She looks fine...honestly we are stumped!"
Oh my Jesus, how good He is!
They sent us home, and told the doctor to run labs on Emma when she was born to make sure her kidney were working, and also do an ultrasound.
At 34 weeks or so I began having trouble with my amniotic fluid. It would get dangerously low, so I ended up having to take 2 hour baths to get it back up (don't ask me how it worked, it just did). At 37 weeks I still could not keep the fluid up, so my doctor gave me the choice: induce or wait.
I asked the doctor what the risk would be in each scenario:
We wait and she could be stillborn (!?!?!)
We induce and she could be in the NICU on a ventilator (!?!?!)
Yep...fear and anger strike again! I used to work for some lung doctor's in the area and immediately called them. They could advise me on this. They assured me that the NICU here was amazing, and that there was no reason she would be on a ventilator.
So, I told the doctor we'd like to induce on Wednesday. That gave me time to get her a carseat, and get the house clean (I KNOW, I know LOL) Before we had to go to the hospital. We went in Tuesday morning! GAHH!
Fast forward to two nights after she was born, I woke up at around 3AM, and Emma hadn't been in to nurse yet. The nurse came in right at that time to let me know that Emma was in the NICU.
Yep...you guessed it: Fear and Anger....seriously...I'm exhausted just thinking about it LOL
Her bilirubin was high, and so she got to camp out under a blue light. The girl looked like she was on a beach somewhere. All she was missing was a beach umbrella.
The thing that these incidences have in common is the fear and anger I felt. However, the brightest thing these have in common is that after the initial fear and anger is that I trusted in God.
None of these things took Him by surprise. God is the great I Am, my Provider, my Comforter, My Healer...My EVERYTHING. By now, stepping back and trusting Him has become routine, and comfortable...
After the initial freak out.
So today, we started Emma on asthma medicine to see if that is what is causing her coughing so much she is throwing up. Since we started it she has been back to her sweet little self. Not whiney, mopey, or lethargic. All things I attributed to her teething.
She is happy, energetic...she is her normal self.
This means she may have asthma.
Where is the anger? The fear?
None for me. God is my Rock.
My Great I AM.
My trust is in Him. Emma is in His hands, and my rest and trust is in Him.
This is something I rejoice in.
HE is WHO I rejoice in...because He is in control. He loves Emma more than I do (which is crazy, but true). Who better to trust in than He who does?
My God is Great. My God is good, My God is Always there for me!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Being a Good Steward
I profess to be all about being a good steward. I feel that I should be a good steward to the animals we eat (chicken, beef, etc), so I go out of my way to get free range, hormone free, etc. etc. etc. eggs and such.
I believe that being a good parent is being a good steward of the gift of children that God has blessed us with.
I believe in being a good steward of my money.
I believe that making the most of the education I am blessed with being able to get is being a good steward of that blessing.
In short, being a good steward to what God has given us has a LOT to do with self-discipline. It also has a lot to do with our HEARTS.
I am not talking about works, and doing stuff to earn our way into heaven. That doesn't happen. There is no amount of anything we can do to pay God back for this free gift of salvation.
I am talking about doing things because it is right. I am horrible in the self-discipline area, however I have been working on it this past week. The pastor preached on good time stewardship last week, and it was something God was already dealing with me about. So, I put some things into action this week and have found more time on my hands than I really know what to do with!
IT.IS.AWESOME!
Back to the heart issue though, because truly, being a good steward of these things has to come out of the love of our hearts. As we draw closer to God, we become more godly. Do we stop sinning? Not necessarily, we will never be perfect. BUT, God transforms our hearts, and out of that we have a greater desire to please Him, and to serve Him. Not out of duty, but out of LOVE.
Here is an example: At one point in my life I hated to clean. Such a pain to clean up after myself (I know...how lazy, right?). However, God saw fit to bring a neat freak into my life, who I have fallen madly in love with, and married 7 years ago. When we married, we immediately moved to Italy where he was stationed. I stayed home all day, and with nothing to do I cleaned our apartment every single day.
UH-OH! I realized later that I set a precedent I was not sure I was willing to keep up (HA!)...at first I did it because I was bored. Then when we moved back to the States, I did it because I felt like I had to.
Now though...now I do it because I love my husband very much. I am home all day, and I want him to come home and be able to relax. I know that if I leave a mess he will feel obligated to clean it. I think of it as serving (in a good way, not in Leave it to Beaver, slave kind of way). I want to be a blessing to my husband, because I love him so much. Keeping my house clean is one way for me to do that.
As my love for my husband grew, my desire to please him and bless him grew too.
As we draw near to God, as we begin to see and experience His love, mercy, grace, etc. our desire to please Him grows, our hearts are transformed and softened, and we do things that are right because we love Him, and desire to please Him.
I have a long way to go. I am not perfect. Yesterday I threw the whole "good steward of my time" thing OUT the window, because it was a rough day. But, I am back on the wagon today and I am trusting God to give me the grace to stop being lazy and "Just do it"!
I believe that being a good parent is being a good steward of the gift of children that God has blessed us with.
I believe in being a good steward of my money.
I believe that making the most of the education I am blessed with being able to get is being a good steward of that blessing.
In short, being a good steward to what God has given us has a LOT to do with self-discipline. It also has a lot to do with our HEARTS.
I am not talking about works, and doing stuff to earn our way into heaven. That doesn't happen. There is no amount of anything we can do to pay God back for this free gift of salvation.
I am talking about doing things because it is right. I am horrible in the self-discipline area, however I have been working on it this past week. The pastor preached on good time stewardship last week, and it was something God was already dealing with me about. So, I put some things into action this week and have found more time on my hands than I really know what to do with!
IT.IS.AWESOME!
Back to the heart issue though, because truly, being a good steward of these things has to come out of the love of our hearts. As we draw closer to God, we become more godly. Do we stop sinning? Not necessarily, we will never be perfect. BUT, God transforms our hearts, and out of that we have a greater desire to please Him, and to serve Him. Not out of duty, but out of LOVE.
Here is an example: At one point in my life I hated to clean. Such a pain to clean up after myself (I know...how lazy, right?). However, God saw fit to bring a neat freak into my life, who I have fallen madly in love with, and married 7 years ago. When we married, we immediately moved to Italy where he was stationed. I stayed home all day, and with nothing to do I cleaned our apartment every single day.
UH-OH! I realized later that I set a precedent I was not sure I was willing to keep up (HA!)...at first I did it because I was bored. Then when we moved back to the States, I did it because I felt like I had to.
Now though...now I do it because I love my husband very much. I am home all day, and I want him to come home and be able to relax. I know that if I leave a mess he will feel obligated to clean it. I think of it as serving (in a good way, not in Leave it to Beaver, slave kind of way). I want to be a blessing to my husband, because I love him so much. Keeping my house clean is one way for me to do that.
As my love for my husband grew, my desire to please him and bless him grew too.
As we draw near to God, as we begin to see and experience His love, mercy, grace, etc. our desire to please Him grows, our hearts are transformed and softened, and we do things that are right because we love Him, and desire to please Him.
I have a long way to go. I am not perfect. Yesterday I threw the whole "good steward of my time" thing OUT the window, because it was a rough day. But, I am back on the wagon today and I am trusting God to give me the grace to stop being lazy and "Just do it"!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Love and Rejection
I am angry. I shouldn't be, but so I am. I know that people come and go in our lives. I try very hard to be a good friend, and seek out those I call my friends. What makes me angry is when there is no reciprocation. No phone calls back, or even a facebook message that takes hardly any time to write. I think it is because I invest so much in those people I call friends, and when they do not make any effort, or just completely stop one day it hurts and confuses me. I understand that sometimes friendships run their course, but at least let me know what happened! Gahh!
So, as I was wallowing in my hurt and anger today, I decided that I was just not going to care anymore. I was no longer going to invest so much into my relationships with others. Unfortunately, this does not work for me and I know it.
I have also tried it. For years I kept people at arms length, not allowing myself to care, because let's be honest folks! It hurts! No one wants to make themselves vulnerable to the pain of rejection. Then, one semester at F.I.R.E. (a Bible school I went to), I began exegeting (sp?) a paper on 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. Yep! The "love" passage. It was during that time that God dramatically changed my life. He has called me to love. To love selflessly, and vulnerably.
Fun, huh?
Not so much. I whined and told God I did not want to. I did not want to hurt. Funny, but at this same time I was going through one of the most emotionally painful times of my life. I mean, I hurt so much emotionally/mentally that I could physically feel it. I would curl up in a ball in my bedroom and beg God to let me die. I had no desire whatsoever to live if life was going to be so painful.
But guess what? He revealed Himself to me in a way I had never known Him. He comforted me, and loved me. He carried me through this time of my life, and proved Himself to me. He would never leave me. No matter what comes, He will always be there, He will always be my strength, my comfort.
He is "I Am"...because He is EVERYTHING I will ever need.
Knowing this changes things. I still hurt and get angry when a relationship I have so lovingly tended to seemingly ends. I don't get it....maybe I was too honest in what I said? I still replay our last conversation over and over in my head, and can only come to the conclusion that this person did not like my honesty. Maybe I was wrong in the conversation. I don't think so...but maybe.
However, God is there to comfort me. I do not have to understand, though I want to. I just have to let God heal that hurt and move on.
My struggle though, is that things like this make me want to fall into my old ways. I have reached out to people in the past year, and only just recently am I making friends who seem to WANT to be friends, rather than trying and trying to connect with people.
I put myself out there because God has called me to do so. He has called me to love others unconditionally, to show them His love. But I do get weary of the rejection, I get weary of leaving message upon message to people only to get a response several weeks or months later.
The question is: Do I give up? Or do I keep trying to keep in touch? These are relationships I valued, and still want to cultivate. But when is it because that person is just bad at keeping in touch, and when is it time to move on?
I look to the Old Testament, and the Israelites relationship with God. They would cry out to Him, and when things got good they forgot about Him. When things got bad again they cried out to Him. God loved them through it all. He got angry, but He still loved them. He still sought them, and spoke to them. I believe He does that to this day, only with all of us, not just the Jewish people.
He has not moved on....
So, as I was wallowing in my hurt and anger today, I decided that I was just not going to care anymore. I was no longer going to invest so much into my relationships with others. Unfortunately, this does not work for me and I know it.
I have also tried it. For years I kept people at arms length, not allowing myself to care, because let's be honest folks! It hurts! No one wants to make themselves vulnerable to the pain of rejection. Then, one semester at F.I.R.E. (a Bible school I went to), I began exegeting (sp?) a paper on 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. Yep! The "love" passage. It was during that time that God dramatically changed my life. He has called me to love. To love selflessly, and vulnerably.
Fun, huh?
Not so much. I whined and told God I did not want to. I did not want to hurt. Funny, but at this same time I was going through one of the most emotionally painful times of my life. I mean, I hurt so much emotionally/mentally that I could physically feel it. I would curl up in a ball in my bedroom and beg God to let me die. I had no desire whatsoever to live if life was going to be so painful.
But guess what? He revealed Himself to me in a way I had never known Him. He comforted me, and loved me. He carried me through this time of my life, and proved Himself to me. He would never leave me. No matter what comes, He will always be there, He will always be my strength, my comfort.
He is "I Am"...because He is EVERYTHING I will ever need.
Knowing this changes things. I still hurt and get angry when a relationship I have so lovingly tended to seemingly ends. I don't get it....maybe I was too honest in what I said? I still replay our last conversation over and over in my head, and can only come to the conclusion that this person did not like my honesty. Maybe I was wrong in the conversation. I don't think so...but maybe.
However, God is there to comfort me. I do not have to understand, though I want to. I just have to let God heal that hurt and move on.
My struggle though, is that things like this make me want to fall into my old ways. I have reached out to people in the past year, and only just recently am I making friends who seem to WANT to be friends, rather than trying and trying to connect with people.
I put myself out there because God has called me to do so. He has called me to love others unconditionally, to show them His love. But I do get weary of the rejection, I get weary of leaving message upon message to people only to get a response several weeks or months later.
The question is: Do I give up? Or do I keep trying to keep in touch? These are relationships I valued, and still want to cultivate. But when is it because that person is just bad at keeping in touch, and when is it time to move on?
I look to the Old Testament, and the Israelites relationship with God. They would cry out to Him, and when things got good they forgot about Him. When things got bad again they cried out to Him. God loved them through it all. He got angry, but He still loved them. He still sought them, and spoke to them. I believe He does that to this day, only with all of us, not just the Jewish people.
He has not moved on....
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Thankfulness and Social Media
Yep, it's that time of year again! Halloween is over, it's getting colder outside. Thanksgiving dinners are being planned, and Christmas is starting to get planned too. I love it! I absolutely LOVE this time of year! This year is even more special with an event I started on Facebook called, "Thankful in November". Here is the link:
https://www.facebook.com/events/452258581492888/455960794456000/?notif_t=plan_mall_activity
Over 1300 people have been invited and almost 200 people are participating. They are posting what they are thankful for on their walls, and on the wall of this event.
IT.IS.AWESOME!
Truly, it's amazing to see so many posts that emphasize positive things. I have been very weary of all the negative political posts this year, more so than any other year. The election is not even over, but all I see is "thankful" posts now.
Social Media can be so wearying, especially if you are a stay at home mom who is on WAY too much! It seems that people have no qualms about reprimanding others, offending others, etc. They say things and post things they would never do in "real" life.
SO! Join us at Facebook if you have an account, and be thankful this month! God has blessed us so much, and sometimes it is good to look past the hard things and find the blessings and thank Him for it! Hope to see you there!
https://www.facebook.com/events/452258581492888/455960794456000/?notif_t=plan_mall_activity
Over 1300 people have been invited and almost 200 people are participating. They are posting what they are thankful for on their walls, and on the wall of this event.
IT.IS.AWESOME!
Truly, it's amazing to see so many posts that emphasize positive things. I have been very weary of all the negative political posts this year, more so than any other year. The election is not even over, but all I see is "thankful" posts now.
Social Media can be so wearying, especially if you are a stay at home mom who is on WAY too much! It seems that people have no qualms about reprimanding others, offending others, etc. They say things and post things they would never do in "real" life.
SO! Join us at Facebook if you have an account, and be thankful this month! God has blessed us so much, and sometimes it is good to look past the hard things and find the blessings and thank Him for it! Hope to see you there!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Beauty in the Storm
My husband was watching a movie called, "The Edge" ( I think), the other day and it was about these three men whose plane crashed in the mountains somewhere. Alaska, I think. I was struck by the fact that these men were surrounded by an intense beauty, and they did not even notice it. Granted, they were fighting to stay alive so they were a little distracted, however the magnificence of their surroundings was just so obvious that it struck me how easy it is to miss the beauty in the midst of hardship.
I remember sitting on my porch in southern Missouri, watching a storm blew in. I am talking a good thunderstorm with a chance of tornadoes. First it starts with the wind, gusty and surprising, especially when you look up and realize the sun is no longer shining. Then off in the distance you can see the lightning strike, and the thunder begins to rumble. Next, the world turns green. Like, it is literally like looking through green tinted glasses. These are my favorite storms, and the times when I felt the most at peace. Here in Colorado, we do not get this type of storm very often, where in Missouri they came once a week or so. I miss it. Did I mention that those were the times I felt most at peace? Because they are awesome.
Life is a lot like that. Recently, I feel as if my almost 2 year old daughter and I are battling it out. OVER NAPTIME! I mean, come ON! There are so many more important things to be fighting about, but this is the major battle right now. I do not want to battle my daughter, I think there are better, less stressful ways to deal with this kind of thing, but for the life of me I have no clue what it is. For a couple days it got really bad. We were both in bad moods, she was whiny, I was grumpy...not a good combination. It was during this that I failed to enjoy the good things. Enjoy my daughter's laughter, her snuggles and vampire kisses (she bites when she kisses...still trying to fix that one). Sometimes, stopping to enjoy the beauty of a moment in time helps us de-stress enough to get a handle on it.
One way of doing this that is incredibly helpful is quieting your mind in prayer. I am talking about clearing out your head, not praying in any way...just hanging out with God. No agenda or anything. Just sitting with Him in silence. I know, this sounds like mediation right? It is, but w/out the "Ohmmms" and whatnot. Meditating on Him, on His goodness, etc. Mostly, I just sit and enjoy His presence in silence, because there is so much peace in knowing that you can just hang out with Him that way, and then doing it. The world can be chaotic, but you can go to that secret place with Him, and you and He can just enjoy each others presence. It takes some training to do this, mostly because we let our minds wander wherever they want so much. However, once you get the hang of it and have disciplined your mind to not wander, it will be one of the most amazing parts of your walk with the Lord.
I remember sitting on my porch in southern Missouri, watching a storm blew in. I am talking a good thunderstorm with a chance of tornadoes. First it starts with the wind, gusty and surprising, especially when you look up and realize the sun is no longer shining. Then off in the distance you can see the lightning strike, and the thunder begins to rumble. Next, the world turns green. Like, it is literally like looking through green tinted glasses. These are my favorite storms, and the times when I felt the most at peace. Here in Colorado, we do not get this type of storm very often, where in Missouri they came once a week or so. I miss it. Did I mention that those were the times I felt most at peace? Because they are awesome.
Life is a lot like that. Recently, I feel as if my almost 2 year old daughter and I are battling it out. OVER NAPTIME! I mean, come ON! There are so many more important things to be fighting about, but this is the major battle right now. I do not want to battle my daughter, I think there are better, less stressful ways to deal with this kind of thing, but for the life of me I have no clue what it is. For a couple days it got really bad. We were both in bad moods, she was whiny, I was grumpy...not a good combination. It was during this that I failed to enjoy the good things. Enjoy my daughter's laughter, her snuggles and vampire kisses (she bites when she kisses...still trying to fix that one). Sometimes, stopping to enjoy the beauty of a moment in time helps us de-stress enough to get a handle on it.
One way of doing this that is incredibly helpful is quieting your mind in prayer. I am talking about clearing out your head, not praying in any way...just hanging out with God. No agenda or anything. Just sitting with Him in silence. I know, this sounds like mediation right? It is, but w/out the "Ohmmms" and whatnot. Meditating on Him, on His goodness, etc. Mostly, I just sit and enjoy His presence in silence, because there is so much peace in knowing that you can just hang out with Him that way, and then doing it. The world can be chaotic, but you can go to that secret place with Him, and you and He can just enjoy each others presence. It takes some training to do this, mostly because we let our minds wander wherever they want so much. However, once you get the hang of it and have disciplined your mind to not wander, it will be one of the most amazing parts of your walk with the Lord.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Why Do We Spew Such Hate?
In my previous post I wrote about how we, as Christians, need to have compassion rather than standing in judgement of the LGBT community. My heart has been broken for the way the Church in general has wounded those who do not know the Lord.
However, the "Great Gay Debate" of last week concerning the owner of Chik-Fil-A's statements about not agreeing with gay marriage brought about a debate so nasty and full of hate that God began to convict me about my attitude towards those Christians I so wholeheartedly disagree with. I read Christians judging and spewing hate towards each other that was so shocking and heart-wrenching that God was able to open my eyes and make me realize how horrible my own attitude towards those Christians is. I asked in my last post if those Christians were heartbroken over these people they judge so harshly, if they genuinely loved those people, or if they were just "standing up for what is right" in their eyes? However, I did not ask MYSELF those questions
I have read many posts from like-minded Christians who are speaking up about a change in attitude, much like I did in the last post. However, as I read comments, and the replies to those comments I became aware that the attitudes and the spirits behind both sides of nastiness are one and the same. I realized that we were standing in judgement, unforgiving, self-righteous judgement, of those who are standing in the same type of judgement towards the LGBT community. Perhaps, I should re-iterate that I was standing in that type of judgement.
God has convicted me of this attitude. While I stand by the fact that attitudes need to be transformed into love, which can only happen through the Lord, it is not just the attitudes of those I blogged about in the previous post, but it is the attitude I have expressed. It is not enough to be heartbroken. Heartbreak can lead to many emotions: resentment, hate, etc. However, heartbreak where the one who is heartbroken seeks the Lord for healing, will lead to love for those involved.
Positive, godly change cannot happen without love for each other, and those around us on all sides. When someone disagrees, it is not love that answers in belittling, condescending ways.
So again I ask, where does your heart lay? What is at the root of your attitude to those who believe differently (within the Church, and without)? And I challenge you, as I am doing: to seek the Lord, and let Him transform your heart.
However, the "Great Gay Debate" of last week concerning the owner of Chik-Fil-A's statements about not agreeing with gay marriage brought about a debate so nasty and full of hate that God began to convict me about my attitude towards those Christians I so wholeheartedly disagree with. I read Christians judging and spewing hate towards each other that was so shocking and heart-wrenching that God was able to open my eyes and make me realize how horrible my own attitude towards those Christians is. I asked in my last post if those Christians were heartbroken over these people they judge so harshly, if they genuinely loved those people, or if they were just "standing up for what is right" in their eyes? However, I did not ask MYSELF those questions
I have read many posts from like-minded Christians who are speaking up about a change in attitude, much like I did in the last post. However, as I read comments, and the replies to those comments I became aware that the attitudes and the spirits behind both sides of nastiness are one and the same. I realized that we were standing in judgement, unforgiving, self-righteous judgement, of those who are standing in the same type of judgement towards the LGBT community. Perhaps, I should re-iterate that I was standing in that type of judgement.
God has convicted me of this attitude. While I stand by the fact that attitudes need to be transformed into love, which can only happen through the Lord, it is not just the attitudes of those I blogged about in the previous post, but it is the attitude I have expressed. It is not enough to be heartbroken. Heartbreak can lead to many emotions: resentment, hate, etc. However, heartbreak where the one who is heartbroken seeks the Lord for healing, will lead to love for those involved.
Positive, godly change cannot happen without love for each other, and those around us on all sides. When someone disagrees, it is not love that answers in belittling, condescending ways.
So again I ask, where does your heart lay? What is at the root of your attitude to those who believe differently (within the Church, and without)? And I challenge you, as I am doing: to seek the Lord, and let Him transform your heart.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
HAVE YOU TAKEN THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW THOSE WHOM YOU PERSECUTE?
If people who claim to be Christians put as much effort into loving those around them as they do in hating them, the world would be transformed. No longer would I see hateful pictures/memes/posts about Christians from non-Christians, or the same from Christians about a myriad of other groups. I can imagine Satan rejoicing at how well he has deceived those who are spreading this Christian agenda of hate. Through the idea of taking a moral stand, which sounds righteous and right, a hatred and dissension has been created that does not, in any way glorify God.
I see no love, I see no broken hearts for people who do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I see an agenda, on both sides. The LGBT community fights because they are given no rights, there agenda is equality. The Christian agenda is to squash immorality. In itself, I do not see anything "wrong", however legalism and hate is what is leading this agenda. This is what makes it bad. There is no love, no compassion.
While I agree with talking to girls who desire abortions, where are the people waiting for them when the procedure is done to show them love and compassion. Because you know what? Those girls are hurting.
What about those in the LGBT community? Many of those people are hurting, too.
Guess what? People, all people regardless of their sexuality or choices in life, are BROKEN. Including many of those Christians pushing this agenda full of hate.
If you are one of those people who push and push this agenda, have you taken time to get to know people in the LGBT community? Have you heard their stories? Their hearts? Do you know what motivates the decisions they make? Do you know what part of their lives are broken?
I know people who are a part of this community. The one's I have met are very nice, they truly love each other and their children. I have made friends with some, and just remained acquaintances with others. I have also apologized to others for my attitude in the past.
HAVE YOU TAKEN THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW THOSE WHOM YOU PERSECUTE?
My heart is breaking. I opened up my Facebook this morning to a post about how people are boycotting Chick-Fil-A because the owner is donating to anti-gay groups. I see Christians arguing and being hateful to those boycotting, and since those boycotting are already on the defensive (BECAUSE CHRISTIANS HAVE PUT THEM THERE), arguments ensue and Satan is glorified.
Hate is glorified.
God?
He's not.
I do not agree with the homosexual lifestyle. However, as I have stated before: I firmly believe that is between that person and God. My part in it is this: to LOVE.
In Luke 7:36-50 there is a passage about how Jesus was dining with a Pharisee (the only people, to my recollection, that he got angry with), and a sinful woman came in to anoint Jesus. Of course there was protest! I mean, come ON! Jesus was supposed to be a Holy Man! How could He let such a woman come near Him, no less touch Him!?!?! This was not done! This was unacceptable! How DARE HE!?!?!
What did Jesus do?
He LOVED her!
Not only did He love her, but He FORGAVE her. He loved her right where she was, all dirty and sinful. He loved her. He wanted to know her, and wanted to spend eternity with her...a sinful woman.
All you people who can honestly take a look at your moral stand, I challenge you to search your heart. Are you full of compassion for these people you persecute? Do you love them, as Christ loves us? Do you protest because of rules? Or again, is your heart truly broken for them?
Because until your heart is broken for the lost, not just those in the LGBT community, not just the little girl down the street who comes from a bad home, but broken for those who do NOT know the Lord you need to keep your mouth shut.
Yeah, I said it.
You are doing no good, only further wounding those that have not had the privilege of knowing the Lord.
Before you post those pictures/posts/etc. Pray about it, think about it. Search your heart and determine why you are posting those things.
Have you prayed for those you fight?
My heart is utterly broken, and I am reminded of the Crusades. People were murdered and mutilated in the name of the Lord so many years ago. Where that was physical, it is now happening spiritually and mentally.
Until we are broken by the passion that God has for those who do not know Him, we cannot bring about change in the world, not positive change anyway.
I read something about the moral decline our country/world is in, and I honestly believe that because of the lack of love and compassion by Christians to all these groups we oppose, we are just as at fault for that decline as everyone else.
Think about it.
Please feel free to comment, but don't be hateful. I will delete hateful comments.
However, please remember that I know there are people out there who love the Lord, who are just as disgusted by the bigotry as I am, and are doing something about it. Thank God for a remnant of people who want to please the Lord, and out of that are ministering out of LOVE to those who the Church has shunned.
I see no love, I see no broken hearts for people who do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I see an agenda, on both sides. The LGBT community fights because they are given no rights, there agenda is equality. The Christian agenda is to squash immorality. In itself, I do not see anything "wrong", however legalism and hate is what is leading this agenda. This is what makes it bad. There is no love, no compassion.
While I agree with talking to girls who desire abortions, where are the people waiting for them when the procedure is done to show them love and compassion. Because you know what? Those girls are hurting.
What about those in the LGBT community? Many of those people are hurting, too.
Guess what? People, all people regardless of their sexuality or choices in life, are BROKEN. Including many of those Christians pushing this agenda full of hate.
If you are one of those people who push and push this agenda, have you taken time to get to know people in the LGBT community? Have you heard their stories? Their hearts? Do you know what motivates the decisions they make? Do you know what part of their lives are broken?
I know people who are a part of this community. The one's I have met are very nice, they truly love each other and their children. I have made friends with some, and just remained acquaintances with others. I have also apologized to others for my attitude in the past.
HAVE YOU TAKEN THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW THOSE WHOM YOU PERSECUTE?
My heart is breaking. I opened up my Facebook this morning to a post about how people are boycotting Chick-Fil-A because the owner is donating to anti-gay groups. I see Christians arguing and being hateful to those boycotting, and since those boycotting are already on the defensive (BECAUSE CHRISTIANS HAVE PUT THEM THERE), arguments ensue and Satan is glorified.
Hate is glorified.
God?
He's not.
I do not agree with the homosexual lifestyle. However, as I have stated before: I firmly believe that is between that person and God. My part in it is this: to LOVE.
In Luke 7:36-50 there is a passage about how Jesus was dining with a Pharisee (the only people, to my recollection, that he got angry with), and a sinful woman came in to anoint Jesus. Of course there was protest! I mean, come ON! Jesus was supposed to be a Holy Man! How could He let such a woman come near Him, no less touch Him!?!?! This was not done! This was unacceptable! How DARE HE!?!?!
What did Jesus do?
He LOVED her!
Not only did He love her, but He FORGAVE her. He loved her right where she was, all dirty and sinful. He loved her. He wanted to know her, and wanted to spend eternity with her...a sinful woman.
All you people who can honestly take a look at your moral stand, I challenge you to search your heart. Are you full of compassion for these people you persecute? Do you love them, as Christ loves us? Do you protest because of rules? Or again, is your heart truly broken for them?
Because until your heart is broken for the lost, not just those in the LGBT community, not just the little girl down the street who comes from a bad home, but broken for those who do NOT know the Lord you need to keep your mouth shut.
Yeah, I said it.
You are doing no good, only further wounding those that have not had the privilege of knowing the Lord.
Before you post those pictures/posts/etc. Pray about it, think about it. Search your heart and determine why you are posting those things.
Have you prayed for those you fight?
My heart is utterly broken, and I am reminded of the Crusades. People were murdered and mutilated in the name of the Lord so many years ago. Where that was physical, it is now happening spiritually and mentally.
Until we are broken by the passion that God has for those who do not know Him, we cannot bring about change in the world, not positive change anyway.
I read something about the moral decline our country/world is in, and I honestly believe that because of the lack of love and compassion by Christians to all these groups we oppose, we are just as at fault for that decline as everyone else.
Think about it.
Please feel free to comment, but don't be hateful. I will delete hateful comments.
However, please remember that I know there are people out there who love the Lord, who are just as disgusted by the bigotry as I am, and are doing something about it. Thank God for a remnant of people who want to please the Lord, and out of that are ministering out of LOVE to those who the Church has shunned.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Becoming Off Center
Sometimes I swear my daughter wakes up with the intent to drive me as crazy as possible. To push me to my absolute breaking point. To the point where I just want to hide in a completely dark, silent room where no one can reach me. Any mothers reading this (and probably dads too) know EXACTLY what I mean.
Well, it is not even just the child's fault, they are just an ingredient in the recipe for disaster. Add in the television being on more than it needs to be, and drama from Facebook, or whatever other source and it all adds up to multiple distractions that cause us to become off center.
This always makes me think of that passage in Isaiah 64:8. This says, "Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."
I have very little experience with a potter's wheel, however I DO know that it is important to ensure the clay is centered on the wheel. If I remember correctly, if the clay is not centered it will cause distortions in what the potter is trying to create. The wheel will become unbalanced.
This is how I feel when I have taken my eyes off the Lord, and become distracted. My mind "goes crazy". I cannot think straight, EVERYTHING annoys me, and I cannot enjoy the little things in life, like being able to stay home with Emma and see her grow. Or enjoy her laughter or triumphant smile as she learns a new trick. Instead,I get short tempered with her.
I think it is at this point that parents can fall into resenting their children, and even their spouses. If we do not recognize the situation for what it is, and give in to the anger and irritation, resentment will take root and grow. Identifying the situation at the offset is vital to the health and relationship you have with your family.
Anyway, when we take our eyes of the Lord, when we stop finding our joy and fulfillment in Him, we become unbalanced and for me at least, unmanageable.
I have heard it said that religion is a crutch and it is said in a very derogatory way. You know what? Jesus IS my crutch. Why? Because I am weak. We are all weak people. We struggle with anxieties, and fears. Without Jesus as my center, life seems crazy and I completely understand the occurrence of things like anxiety attacks.
I have heard it said that the eye of the storm is an incredibly peaceful place. Life is a storm, and it is in Christ where we are able to find peace in the midst of all the chaos. It is times like this where the Scripture in Psalms 46:10 really comes alive: Be still and know that I am God.
It is at these times that all the distractions go off: the television, the radio, and the internet are turned off. It is at this time where I quiet my mind, and re center myself on God.
And I be still.
And I know that He is God.
And peace is restored, joy is restored, and I can enjoy my daughter, my husband, and life. Her screaming for the heck of it no longer makes me want to bang my head on the wall :) but I can turn around and realize she just wants my undivided attention. I can give that to her, and enjoy her and be the mommy I want to be.
Well, it is not even just the child's fault, they are just an ingredient in the recipe for disaster. Add in the television being on more than it needs to be, and drama from Facebook, or whatever other source and it all adds up to multiple distractions that cause us to become off center.
This always makes me think of that passage in Isaiah 64:8. This says, "Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."
I have very little experience with a potter's wheel, however I DO know that it is important to ensure the clay is centered on the wheel. If I remember correctly, if the clay is not centered it will cause distortions in what the potter is trying to create. The wheel will become unbalanced.
This is how I feel when I have taken my eyes off the Lord, and become distracted. My mind "goes crazy". I cannot think straight, EVERYTHING annoys me, and I cannot enjoy the little things in life, like being able to stay home with Emma and see her grow. Or enjoy her laughter or triumphant smile as she learns a new trick. Instead,I get short tempered with her.
I think it is at this point that parents can fall into resenting their children, and even their spouses. If we do not recognize the situation for what it is, and give in to the anger and irritation, resentment will take root and grow. Identifying the situation at the offset is vital to the health and relationship you have with your family.
Anyway, when we take our eyes of the Lord, when we stop finding our joy and fulfillment in Him, we become unbalanced and for me at least, unmanageable.
I have heard it said that religion is a crutch and it is said in a very derogatory way. You know what? Jesus IS my crutch. Why? Because I am weak. We are all weak people. We struggle with anxieties, and fears. Without Jesus as my center, life seems crazy and I completely understand the occurrence of things like anxiety attacks.
I have heard it said that the eye of the storm is an incredibly peaceful place. Life is a storm, and it is in Christ where we are able to find peace in the midst of all the chaos. It is times like this where the Scripture in Psalms 46:10 really comes alive: Be still and know that I am God.
It is at these times that all the distractions go off: the television, the radio, and the internet are turned off. It is at this time where I quiet my mind, and re center myself on God.
And I be still.
And I know that He is God.
And peace is restored, joy is restored, and I can enjoy my daughter, my husband, and life. Her screaming for the heck of it no longer makes me want to bang my head on the wall :) but I can turn around and realize she just wants my undivided attention. I can give that to her, and enjoy her and be the mommy I want to be.
Monday, June 25, 2012
I Am a Gossip
SIDE NOTE: First, let me say that I am through with school until the end of August (just graduated with my Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and now I am onto my Master's WOO HOO!!!). This means, I have more time to devote to me sporadic blog.
Back to the topic at hand. I do not like to hurt people, and there are few things more hurtful to people than finding out that other people have been talking bad about you. Additionally, gossip biases the hearer about the person being talked about. Wrong assumptions are made, and attitudes towards that person are developed and are hard to overcome. Gossip is not only hurtful to the person it is about, but to the hearer and the teller as well. Gossip hinders relationships between the three as well because of wrong assumptions, etc.
I have a major problem with this. I get to talking to people and names get brought up and then the pressure comes. The pressure to agree, or ask further questions. Of course my curiosity is peaked as well, and being such a curious person it is hard to NOT ask questions. Then I turn around and tell others what I have heard. However, something happened the other day that stopped me in my tracks.
I was telling my husband a about a conversation I had earlier, and switched into gossiping mode. I said the famous, "And this person does..." and he stopped me right there. He said, "I do not want to hear gossip about this person, so you just need to stop."
WOW! Just...WOW!
NOT what I was expecting, but that is the beautiful thing about marriage. You can challenge each other, and encourage greatness in each other.
When this happened I was offended initially. How could Jake think I was gossiping!?!? BUT I WAS! He nailed it on the head.
So, this is my summer challenge to myself, and to you, my readers: Stop gossip in its tracks. When someone begins to gossip, STOP it! When I begin to do so, STOP MYSELF!
So, if this happens in a conversation with anyone, do not be offended. I am just pruning my leaves so to speak ;)
Back to the topic at hand. I do not like to hurt people, and there are few things more hurtful to people than finding out that other people have been talking bad about you. Additionally, gossip biases the hearer about the person being talked about. Wrong assumptions are made, and attitudes towards that person are developed and are hard to overcome. Gossip is not only hurtful to the person it is about, but to the hearer and the teller as well. Gossip hinders relationships between the three as well because of wrong assumptions, etc.
I have a major problem with this. I get to talking to people and names get brought up and then the pressure comes. The pressure to agree, or ask further questions. Of course my curiosity is peaked as well, and being such a curious person it is hard to NOT ask questions. Then I turn around and tell others what I have heard. However, something happened the other day that stopped me in my tracks.
I was telling my husband a about a conversation I had earlier, and switched into gossiping mode. I said the famous, "And this person does..." and he stopped me right there. He said, "I do not want to hear gossip about this person, so you just need to stop."
WOW! Just...WOW!
NOT what I was expecting, but that is the beautiful thing about marriage. You can challenge each other, and encourage greatness in each other.
When this happened I was offended initially. How could Jake think I was gossiping!?!? BUT I WAS! He nailed it on the head.
So, this is my summer challenge to myself, and to you, my readers: Stop gossip in its tracks. When someone begins to gossip, STOP it! When I begin to do so, STOP MYSELF!
So, if this happens in a conversation with anyone, do not be offended. I am just pruning my leaves so to speak ;)
Saturday, June 23, 2012
You Profess to be a Christian, but do You Live Like an Agnostic?
I once was told that an agnostic believes there might be a God, but if He existed, He does not care at all about what goes on in our lives. Going further, as I understand it, He is not intricately involved in our lives, and has no desire to know anything about us.
Obviously I do not believe this way. Especially since my favorite Scripture is Psalms 139, which goes precisely against that belief. However, I find myself realizing that often I live as if I do hold an agnostic belief.
My husband and I are buying a house, and we have so much peace about it. We really feel as if we are in the center of God's will. However, we have had these moments of anxiety, each at different times, about a mortgage payment that is quite a bit bigger than our current one. My husband experienced this on Friday. During that day he was working hard, and thought to himself how much he would just love a Coke Zero or Pepsi Max. He had planned on stopping in somewhere to get one, but never got the chance. As he was delivering a package, one of the ladies offered him a Coke Zero.
Jake had not prayed about it, nothing. It was just a fleeting thought he had about how amazing it would be to get a little caffeine boost.
How often have we had something like this happen and we thought, "Wow! What a coincidence! That's awesome!" or something along those lines?
Guess what? God PROVIDED my husband with this. That Coke Zero was such an blessing from the Lord. It was not coincidence, and it was not his lucky day. My husband felt that this was God's way of saying, "See, I will take care of you". I cannot even begin to tell you how many times the Lord has done this for me.
How timely!
So many times we go throughout the day stressing about a need, or "getting lucky" when something good happens. We fail to acknowledge that God had a hand in any of the good stuff, yet often when stressful things happen we are quick to ask the Lord why He would let such and such a thing happen.
Those little blessings that we pass off as "having a good day" are not just a part of the good things in life. God is actively seeking to provide for us, provide those thing we don't even ask for. These are the ways He reveals Himself to us, and I think we short change Him and ourselves when we fail to recognize His hand in our daily lives.
My challenge: Acknowledge God's hand, look for it even. Truly examine your life, be honest with yourself. When you start opening your eyes to God's hand in your daily life, your faith will grow as will your passion for him.
Obviously I do not believe this way. Especially since my favorite Scripture is Psalms 139, which goes precisely against that belief. However, I find myself realizing that often I live as if I do hold an agnostic belief.
My husband and I are buying a house, and we have so much peace about it. We really feel as if we are in the center of God's will. However, we have had these moments of anxiety, each at different times, about a mortgage payment that is quite a bit bigger than our current one. My husband experienced this on Friday. During that day he was working hard, and thought to himself how much he would just love a Coke Zero or Pepsi Max. He had planned on stopping in somewhere to get one, but never got the chance. As he was delivering a package, one of the ladies offered him a Coke Zero.
Jake had not prayed about it, nothing. It was just a fleeting thought he had about how amazing it would be to get a little caffeine boost.
How often have we had something like this happen and we thought, "Wow! What a coincidence! That's awesome!" or something along those lines?
Guess what? God PROVIDED my husband with this. That Coke Zero was such an blessing from the Lord. It was not coincidence, and it was not his lucky day. My husband felt that this was God's way of saying, "See, I will take care of you". I cannot even begin to tell you how many times the Lord has done this for me.
How timely!
So many times we go throughout the day stressing about a need, or "getting lucky" when something good happens. We fail to acknowledge that God had a hand in any of the good stuff, yet often when stressful things happen we are quick to ask the Lord why He would let such and such a thing happen.
Those little blessings that we pass off as "having a good day" are not just a part of the good things in life. God is actively seeking to provide for us, provide those thing we don't even ask for. These are the ways He reveals Himself to us, and I think we short change Him and ourselves when we fail to recognize His hand in our daily lives.
My challenge: Acknowledge God's hand, look for it even. Truly examine your life, be honest with yourself. When you start opening your eyes to God's hand in your daily life, your faith will grow as will your passion for him.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Do You Play a Role? Or Do You Minister?
My last post, as well as recent events have gotten me thinking about my personal ministry as a wife and mom.
Huh? I know, right? Mom? Wife? Those are identities, roles we play...not ministries.
I did not always look at being a wife and mom as a ministry. They were roles I played that became, at times, incredibly tedious. There are days, like today for instance, that I forget that I am not playing a role, but ministering to my husband and daughter. Those are the moments I must stop myself, regroup, and move on. I have had to do that a couple times with Emma this morning.
The problem with playing a role is that it become boring. We become dissatisfied with the roles we are playing, and we start getting fidgety, and short tempered. The role starts to wear on you, and exhaust you. The things you do for your loved one's become chores, and you begin to resent having to do them to keep everyone happy.
It is exhausting and unfulfilling. In fact, just thinking about it makes me exhausted! Our motives begin to change. We do things like clean the house out of duty, rather than love. It gets overwhelming, and we (or at least) get lazy.
I think this is true for men as well. This is not just a "woman" issue, but a heart and people issue. I think that this is a major problem in marriages, and can create huge rifts that eventually lead to divorce.
When I step back from the situation and remember that this is a ministry, rather than a role, this changes my mindset a lot. Now, do not get me wrong, ministry can often turn into a role we play, and can become tedious as well. This is where heart comes in.
I am constantly asking the Lord to transform my heart. In fact, a verse that I frequently pray is: Ezekial 36:26:
And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.
This is the NLT, and I used it because I like the wording, "...stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart."
All of the other versions talk about a heart of stone, and giving a heart of flesh.
My heart often becomes stony. The resentment that builds up when I play a role, rather than minister out of love to my family. It becomes stony when I see the horrors of the world, or deal with people who drive me nuts for one reason or another.
My heart has a propensity towards being stony. I easily become cynical and resentful, and frustrated with the things going on around me and in the world. So, this is a constant prayer that I pray: That God will give me a new heart and a new spirit full of love and compassion. That He will take away my stony, hard heart and give me a new heart that is vulnerable and responsive to Him.
So, my personal ministry as a wife and mother come out of, first and foremost God in me. My desire is to please Him, and out of that comes an incredible love for my husband and daughter. Second, because of that love I desire what is best for them. This means that I keep my house clean, I cook my husband dinner so that he can eat when he gets home. This also extends to more intimate things like sex. I obviously will not go into details, but ensuring that your husband is not in any kind of want is also a part of ministering to him.
For my daughter, this entails listening to her when she is "talking", giving her my undivided attention, even if it just for a few moments, when she is trying to get my attention while I am trying to cook/do homework, etc. This includes taking care of her needs like changing her diaper, feeding her, and bathing her. This also includes setting boundaries and disciplining her when needed.
Ministry to your loved one's means stepping outside of your selfish desires and serving them with an attitude of love. Martha did this, but she sometimes switched into the "role" of serving and became resentful at times. I believe however, that most of the time she did it out of love, she truly loved to make people comfortable and serve them in this way.
Huh? I know, right? Mom? Wife? Those are identities, roles we play...not ministries.
I did not always look at being a wife and mom as a ministry. They were roles I played that became, at times, incredibly tedious. There are days, like today for instance, that I forget that I am not playing a role, but ministering to my husband and daughter. Those are the moments I must stop myself, regroup, and move on. I have had to do that a couple times with Emma this morning.
The problem with playing a role is that it become boring. We become dissatisfied with the roles we are playing, and we start getting fidgety, and short tempered. The role starts to wear on you, and exhaust you. The things you do for your loved one's become chores, and you begin to resent having to do them to keep everyone happy.
It is exhausting and unfulfilling. In fact, just thinking about it makes me exhausted! Our motives begin to change. We do things like clean the house out of duty, rather than love. It gets overwhelming, and we (or at least) get lazy.
I think this is true for men as well. This is not just a "woman" issue, but a heart and people issue. I think that this is a major problem in marriages, and can create huge rifts that eventually lead to divorce.
When I step back from the situation and remember that this is a ministry, rather than a role, this changes my mindset a lot. Now, do not get me wrong, ministry can often turn into a role we play, and can become tedious as well. This is where heart comes in.
I am constantly asking the Lord to transform my heart. In fact, a verse that I frequently pray is: Ezekial 36:26:
And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.
This is the NLT, and I used it because I like the wording, "...stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart."
All of the other versions talk about a heart of stone, and giving a heart of flesh.
My heart often becomes stony. The resentment that builds up when I play a role, rather than minister out of love to my family. It becomes stony when I see the horrors of the world, or deal with people who drive me nuts for one reason or another.
My heart has a propensity towards being stony. I easily become cynical and resentful, and frustrated with the things going on around me and in the world. So, this is a constant prayer that I pray: That God will give me a new heart and a new spirit full of love and compassion. That He will take away my stony, hard heart and give me a new heart that is vulnerable and responsive to Him.
So, my personal ministry as a wife and mother come out of, first and foremost God in me. My desire is to please Him, and out of that comes an incredible love for my husband and daughter. Second, because of that love I desire what is best for them. This means that I keep my house clean, I cook my husband dinner so that he can eat when he gets home. This also extends to more intimate things like sex. I obviously will not go into details, but ensuring that your husband is not in any kind of want is also a part of ministering to him.
For my daughter, this entails listening to her when she is "talking", giving her my undivided attention, even if it just for a few moments, when she is trying to get my attention while I am trying to cook/do homework, etc. This includes taking care of her needs like changing her diaper, feeding her, and bathing her. This also includes setting boundaries and disciplining her when needed.
Ministry to your loved one's means stepping outside of your selfish desires and serving them with an attitude of love. Martha did this, but she sometimes switched into the "role" of serving and became resentful at times. I believe however, that most of the time she did it out of love, she truly loved to make people comfortable and serve them in this way.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Stop Waiting to Be "Launched" into Ministry
This is my 10,950 day of being alive which means I turn 30 tomorrow.
Wow...
You know when you are a kid 30 seems SO OLD?
I know I did. I also thought I'd be well into fulfilling the calling God has on my life. Like, right in the midst of this world changing ministry that touches thousands of people (hundreds of thousands?)
But, here I am just finishing up my Bachelor's degree, and starting my Master's degree in the fall. Already, my 30th year is starting out with a bang. It is exciting, and could be a little disappointing if I dwell on the fact that I am not a missionary in another country (Africa, or Central/South America), I do not have a platform of ministry that reaches a ton of people and changes lives (that I know of ). I am thinking about ministers like Kathryn Kuhlman, Mike Bickle, all these well known men and women of God.
I have realized over the past few years that the journey to fulfilling God's purpose for my life is just as, if not more important than the actual purpose. It is on the journey where we are refined, and made into people who are worshipers of God. The journey is where our faith is strengthened, and we learn to trust in Him more than any other thing. Granted, we are not perfect when we get to the point where we are fulfilling our purpose, but as I write this I have to wonder when does that happen anyway?
There is no point where we stop growing. There is no point where we stop having to go through trials because we have reached perfection. Our faith will always be challenged, and we will always grow.
The fact is, even now I am fulfilling God's will for my life. I am in the center of His will, taking one step at a time. Often we (I am guilty of this myself), think of God's purpose for our lives as an end goal. I know I get narrow minded, and begin to think that I will not really be making a difference until I get to that "magical" place where I am launched into ministry.
We do not get "launched into ministry". We are already there, right where we are. Everyday I encounter people and I have a chance to make that positive, or negative. Our ministry occurs on a daily basis. For me, my ministry is to my husband, my daughter, my extended family, my fellow students, my neighbors.
I am not talking about preaching at them, I am talking about the way I LIVE my life. Do my actions and words speak love and encouragement? Do they bless?
For me, my answer is a resounding, "No!" not all the time anyway.
I have days where I just want to chew everyone out. I have days when I do not feel like cleaning my house. I also have days where my patience with my daughter wears thin. Mostly, however I love to serve my family. I love to have my house spotless so that when Jake comes home he can relax. I love to make my daughter finger paints so that she can paint, though she eats more than she uses (LOL).
So my encouragement today is to stop waiting. Stop the thinking that you are just biding your time until God launches you into "real" ministry, because you are already there!
Wow...
You know when you are a kid 30 seems SO OLD?
I know I did. I also thought I'd be well into fulfilling the calling God has on my life. Like, right in the midst of this world changing ministry that touches thousands of people (hundreds of thousands?)
But, here I am just finishing up my Bachelor's degree, and starting my Master's degree in the fall. Already, my 30th year is starting out with a bang. It is exciting, and could be a little disappointing if I dwell on the fact that I am not a missionary in another country (Africa, or Central/South America), I do not have a platform of ministry that reaches a ton of people and changes lives (that I know of ). I am thinking about ministers like Kathryn Kuhlman, Mike Bickle, all these well known men and women of God.
I have realized over the past few years that the journey to fulfilling God's purpose for my life is just as, if not more important than the actual purpose. It is on the journey where we are refined, and made into people who are worshipers of God. The journey is where our faith is strengthened, and we learn to trust in Him more than any other thing. Granted, we are not perfect when we get to the point where we are fulfilling our purpose, but as I write this I have to wonder when does that happen anyway?
There is no point where we stop growing. There is no point where we stop having to go through trials because we have reached perfection. Our faith will always be challenged, and we will always grow.
The fact is, even now I am fulfilling God's will for my life. I am in the center of His will, taking one step at a time. Often we (I am guilty of this myself), think of God's purpose for our lives as an end goal. I know I get narrow minded, and begin to think that I will not really be making a difference until I get to that "magical" place where I am launched into ministry.
We do not get "launched into ministry". We are already there, right where we are. Everyday I encounter people and I have a chance to make that positive, or negative. Our ministry occurs on a daily basis. For me, my ministry is to my husband, my daughter, my extended family, my fellow students, my neighbors.
I am not talking about preaching at them, I am talking about the way I LIVE my life. Do my actions and words speak love and encouragement? Do they bless?
For me, my answer is a resounding, "No!" not all the time anyway.
I have days where I just want to chew everyone out. I have days when I do not feel like cleaning my house. I also have days where my patience with my daughter wears thin. Mostly, however I love to serve my family. I love to have my house spotless so that when Jake comes home he can relax. I love to make my daughter finger paints so that she can paint, though she eats more than she uses (LOL).
So my encouragement today is to stop waiting. Stop the thinking that you are just biding your time until God launches you into "real" ministry, because you are already there!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
He Supplies My Needs...and Often My Wants as Well
I have been frantically looking for a babysitter for two weeks now. I have a GREAT regular babysitter, and a great backup. However, they are not always available, and Jake and I recently had to cancel a foodie tour in Denver because we could not find anyone.
TOTALLY MY FAULT! Seriously, I need to learn to plan better!
So, I joined care.com without realizing that if I wanted to actually get the contact info for these sitters I had to pay $35 a month!!! WHAT!!?!?!?!?!
So I had resorted to Craigslist.
Yeah, I know.
When I think about hiring someone from Craigslist all I can think about is that 30 Rock episode where Liz was medicated after a surgery, and Jack was trying to keep her from calling people on Craigslist about getting a massage. The next morning she is on the phone with Jack when she gets a knock on the door. She yells out, "I already killed her!" in a gruff voice, and the man makes a disappointed noise and leaves.
Paranoid much!?!?!?
Actually, my friend Sara hooked me up with a lady and I was going to have her watch Emma. BUT I had never met this lady! I trust Sara IMPLICITLY! She has 2 of the most beautiful daughters, and this lady took care of them for her. Anyway, I ended up canceling on her because Jake and I did not feel good about leaving Emma with a stranger.
After this incident is when I started searching for a babysitter. Jake and I are starting Tae Kwondo (?) or some sort of martial arts in a couple weeks together (and I am SO going to kick his butt!), and I need a regular babysitter.
I just got a call from Michelle and she has an opening for whenever for me. I am meeting her on Monday to get to know her a bit. She is so sweet and nice on the phone, PLUS she has kids so Emma can get over her fear of other kids. Although, I think she is growing out of that phase.
ANYWAY, I know I ramble. Sorry! So, I should have prayed that God would help me out in my search. He cares about Emma too! More so than me, although I cannot EVEN imagine that kind of love because I could burst with how much I love my little Emma-nem!
Again, I digress! God provided for me even without my needing to ask Him. He always does this! He takes care of me more than I can imagine. Jake used to call me spoiled, until it started happening to him. Now we are just in awe of how much the Lord loves us, and blesses us. We truly are.
There have been many times when I just really wanted something and God provided it. I never asked, God just knows, because He WANTS to know! WOW! Talk about Psalm 139 coming to life!
Here are some other great verses about how He takes care of us:
Matthew 6:31-32
Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
Matthew 7:11
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!
Ahhhhh! We serve such an amazing God!
TOTALLY MY FAULT! Seriously, I need to learn to plan better!
So, I joined care.com without realizing that if I wanted to actually get the contact info for these sitters I had to pay $35 a month!!! WHAT!!?!?!?!?!
So I had resorted to Craigslist.
Yeah, I know.
When I think about hiring someone from Craigslist all I can think about is that 30 Rock episode where Liz was medicated after a surgery, and Jack was trying to keep her from calling people on Craigslist about getting a massage. The next morning she is on the phone with Jack when she gets a knock on the door. She yells out, "I already killed her!" in a gruff voice, and the man makes a disappointed noise and leaves.
Paranoid much!?!?!?
Actually, my friend Sara hooked me up with a lady and I was going to have her watch Emma. BUT I had never met this lady! I trust Sara IMPLICITLY! She has 2 of the most beautiful daughters, and this lady took care of them for her. Anyway, I ended up canceling on her because Jake and I did not feel good about leaving Emma with a stranger.
After this incident is when I started searching for a babysitter. Jake and I are starting Tae Kwondo (?) or some sort of martial arts in a couple weeks together (and I am SO going to kick his butt!), and I need a regular babysitter.
I just got a call from Michelle and she has an opening for whenever for me. I am meeting her on Monday to get to know her a bit. She is so sweet and nice on the phone, PLUS she has kids so Emma can get over her fear of other kids. Although, I think she is growing out of that phase.
ANYWAY, I know I ramble. Sorry! So, I should have prayed that God would help me out in my search. He cares about Emma too! More so than me, although I cannot EVEN imagine that kind of love because I could burst with how much I love my little Emma-nem!
Again, I digress! God provided for me even without my needing to ask Him. He always does this! He takes care of me more than I can imagine. Jake used to call me spoiled, until it started happening to him. Now we are just in awe of how much the Lord loves us, and blesses us. We truly are.
There have been many times when I just really wanted something and God provided it. I never asked, God just knows, because He WANTS to know! WOW! Talk about Psalm 139 coming to life!
Here are some other great verses about how He takes care of us:
Matthew 6:31-32
Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
Matthew 7:11
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!
Ahhhhh! We serve such an amazing God!
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