Oh how glad I am to have January and February behind us!
I know, I know! It's the middle of March, but it has taken me this long to recover, and reflect.
Recover? From What? Oh, well probably THE single most HUMBLING season of my life. That is what being a parent does:
It humbles us.
January and February were some of the hardest months I have had in awhile. They were full of sickness, I swear Emma had a new something or other every week. We also decided to poke a hole in her pacifier to wean her off it. So those two months were marked by very little sleep.
I learned something new about myself, or maybe I re-learned it. I am a terrible person with little sleep. I have very little patience, and very little gets done. Anyone with a toddler knows that patience is key to a happy home.
OH! Emma also decided to start throwing tantrums every time I told her "no", took something away from her, or made her leave a place she was having fun.
I thought we had taken care of this problem months ago...I was wrong.
Okay, Okay! I know, she will continuously test boundaries and rules, that is the nature of a child. I'd say it is the nature of all humans.
Anyway, the worst of me came out those two months. Things I never knew could exist in my brain and life came to the surface in terrifying ways. Well, terrifying to me anyway, any parent I am sure can relate.
Many days I wanted to scream and lock Emma in her room ( I didn't). Many of those I wanted to drink my frustration away ( again, I did not). Many of those days I felt I was barely treading water. . My patience wore thin, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
Why am I sharing this? Because everyone, every parent goes through these times. What did I learn? That in those times I must run to Papa. In those moments, those very difficult and hard times, I saw beauty emerge in a way it never would have without coming to a very low point in my life.
In those moments of frustration and anger, I learned to rely on Papa. I learned to go to Him. I learned how to practically teach my daughter to do the same.
Every time my frustration grew, every time my anger rose to the surface, I picked up Emma, placed her on my lap, and we ran to Papa. Any time her frustration at not being understood, or not being able to do the things she wanted to, we ran to Papa.
Emma needs to see that I am not perfect, that I need God. She needs to see me go to Him when I am in need, because that is where she will learn to go to Him herself.
Don't misunderstand, that is not the only time we run to Papa. I thank Him, in front of her, every day for His mercy, grace, the blessings He has given us. We pray together every day.
I go to Him in the happy, easy times too.
For now, this season is over. Emma is my happy, sweet, obedient little girl again. I am under no illusion that this is the end of it. She is full of curiosity, and is exploring her world. She will again test boundaries, and try to get her own way. I will not say I am ready, but knowing it is going to happen is half the battle, yes?
However, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that no matter what happens I can run to Papa.
And I can teach my daughter to do the same.
I know, I know! It's the middle of March, but it has taken me this long to recover, and reflect.
Recover? From What? Oh, well probably THE single most HUMBLING season of my life. That is what being a parent does:
It humbles us.
January and February were some of the hardest months I have had in awhile. They were full of sickness, I swear Emma had a new something or other every week. We also decided to poke a hole in her pacifier to wean her off it. So those two months were marked by very little sleep.
I learned something new about myself, or maybe I re-learned it. I am a terrible person with little sleep. I have very little patience, and very little gets done. Anyone with a toddler knows that patience is key to a happy home.
OH! Emma also decided to start throwing tantrums every time I told her "no", took something away from her, or made her leave a place she was having fun.
I thought we had taken care of this problem months ago...I was wrong.
Okay, Okay! I know, she will continuously test boundaries and rules, that is the nature of a child. I'd say it is the nature of all humans.
Anyway, the worst of me came out those two months. Things I never knew could exist in my brain and life came to the surface in terrifying ways. Well, terrifying to me anyway, any parent I am sure can relate.
Many days I wanted to scream and lock Emma in her room ( I didn't). Many of those I wanted to drink my frustration away ( again, I did not). Many of those days I felt I was barely treading water. . My patience wore thin, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
Why am I sharing this? Because everyone, every parent goes through these times. What did I learn? That in those times I must run to Papa. In those moments, those very difficult and hard times, I saw beauty emerge in a way it never would have without coming to a very low point in my life.
In those moments of frustration and anger, I learned to rely on Papa. I learned to go to Him. I learned how to practically teach my daughter to do the same.
Every time my frustration grew, every time my anger rose to the surface, I picked up Emma, placed her on my lap, and we ran to Papa. Any time her frustration at not being understood, or not being able to do the things she wanted to, we ran to Papa.
Emma needs to see that I am not perfect, that I need God. She needs to see me go to Him when I am in need, because that is where she will learn to go to Him herself.
Don't misunderstand, that is not the only time we run to Papa. I thank Him, in front of her, every day for His mercy, grace, the blessings He has given us. We pray together every day.
I go to Him in the happy, easy times too.
For now, this season is over. Emma is my happy, sweet, obedient little girl again. I am under no illusion that this is the end of it. She is full of curiosity, and is exploring her world. She will again test boundaries, and try to get her own way. I will not say I am ready, but knowing it is going to happen is half the battle, yes?
However, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that no matter what happens I can run to Papa.
And I can teach my daughter to do the same.
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